Explaining the different Final Fantasy universes
by TheFreya
Summary: This is a SugAr rush fic. Very strange and not completed. Written by two people. FFX, FFVII, FFVIII, FFIX, FFXII and more.
1. Chapter 1

This was written by me and Lady Lilliana, based from a roleplay on the 'You know u like FF7 too much when..' forum.

It's really rather random.

Note: Neither of us own Final Fantasy or any of the characters. I'm pretty sure neither of us own driving licenses either.

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Some people say that Summoning Aeons is like Pokemon. Right down to the MP costs for each spell being like PP costs for each attack.  
Some people think that all worlds in the Final Fantasy series are interconnected by a big portal.  
Some people think that I am utterly mad.  
But do we listen? Nah.

So here is a story which proves all of these to be true. Including bits about how evil lemonade really is, how much a certain blonde-haired ex-SOLDIER angsts and how a certain Summoner's guardians like cookies so much more than you. So read ahead, and be braindamaged. Why not?

It started one day, when a girl in Besaid wanted to the Summoner Yuna's great skills. As we know, only one person can summon an Aeon at a time. Unfortunately, Bahamut was busy balancing a ball on his nose somewhere in the middle of Bevelle. The big dragon thought that the Fayth had been sent some time ago, and that was an excuse for a big snooze, but he was obviously wrong.  
"Summon Bahamut!" The girl demanded.  
Yuna sighed, sick of everyone asking her these kinds of questions. "Sure," She sighed. "Just a second..." Yuna picked up her staff, and started to summon.  
Nothing happened.  
Yuna frowned slightly, wondering if the dragon was sleeping again. She willed him to wake up.  
Still nothing was happening.  
The girl was losing her patience.  
Yuna looked apologetically at the little girl. "Uh..." She mumbled.  
"Yuna! You fraud!" The girl snapped  
Yuna desperately tried to think of a good excuse. "Umm...The Fayths got sent?" She said, trying to grin.  
The girl snorted. "Oh don't use that excuse," She said scornfully. "Look at all the other games; People can summon in them!"  
Yuna's eyes widened at first, then she frowned a little. She felt a knot of worry beginning to gather in her stomach. "Games..?" The Smmoner asked nervously, hoping it was some kind of mistake that the girl had made..  
"There were cameras in our adventure?" Yuna asked, hoping that no-one had seen the kiss between her and Tidus.  
"I know all your dirty secrets!" The girl laughed, thinking of the scene Yuna was hoping no-one had seen.

Meanwhile, a short girl with short brown hair walked into Besaid, ready for her holiday in the Sun. She spotted Yuna, and pointed accusingly. "You are evil!" She snapped.  
Yuna looked shocked. "Who me?" She said, frowning even more.  
"Yes you!" The other girl retorted, rather badly.  
"Couldn't be!" Yuna unwittingly led herself into the cookie jar trap.  
The girl continued, clapping and clicking her fingers (Rather badly) "Then who stole the cookies from the cookie jar?" She looked around and saw the most unlikely thing--Auron eating cookies like a cookie-eater possesed. "AURON stole the cookies from the cookies jar!" She said triumphantly. The Cookie-Jar Trap had been set, and there was no escaping.  
But Auron was much to bad-ass for this. He stopped eating cookies, and said,"I didn't.".  
Immediately, the girl stopped, knowing there'd be trouble if she didn't.  
But this didn't stop the girl from whispering to Rikku, "I knew it was him."  
Rikku nodded sadly. "He's had a cookie addicion for an incredible amount of time. It's quite sad, really."  
"Then why isn't he always hyper?" Asked the girl.  
"His body has adapted to the high sugar levels. If we take them away he goes into a coma, though."  
The girl nodded slowly, a plan forming in her mind. It involved, among other things, a fishing line, a foot spa, spiked cookies and a hawaiian flower necklace.

The girl turned back to Yuna. "I came up with a list of why you happen to be evil."  
Yuna blinked, confused. "What do you mean? I think you've got me mixed up with someone else."  
The girl raised an eyebrow. "Cheating on your husband, running away from the wedding, killing your husband one-two-three-FOUR times, cheating upon your husband, losing a potential husband...Do you have some kind of problem with husbands?"  
Yuna slumped, feeling incredibly sad at being reminded of Tidus, for the author didn't get the perfect ending in X-2.

Meanwhile, a blonde boy walked around, lost. He sighed heavily, slumping against a wall. "Oh great...I'll never find Yuna..."  
He was stuck in a room painted white with a big door that had an arrow pointing to it. The door was open, but Tidus was like a fly and always ran into the windows, hoping to get out. However, he didn't always do a loop-the-loop before landing upon the ceiling. He just wanted Yuna, but those windows refused to fail their mission in life and as for the door...

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A/N: So how did you like the first chapter? Be nice, rememnering this is a sugar-rush 'fic' and that it makes no sense at all.


	2. Chapter 2

There came a loud cough from somewhere across the beach, and another girl pointed angrily at Yuna. "So in behalf of New Yevon, I cast thee from Spira, adulterer!" She said in the m,ost commanding voice she could manage.

Yuna frowned. "Is that even possible?" She asked.

"Don't question my authority!" Girl 2 snapped, opening a portal to a different time underneath Yuna's feet.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH--" The Summoner screamed, falling through time.

Meanwhile, in a beautiful, but almost ruined church, a man with spikey blonde hair that reminded most people of a chocobo, sat in front of the flowers and sighed. "If only something fell from the sky..." He said, rather angstily.

There was a loud scream, as something did indeed fall from the sky. "HHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" It yowled, landing on the flowers, just as the man had done, some years ago.

The man perked up immediatley, and stared at the collapsed heap on the floor. "Aeris?" He asked hopefully.

Yuna rubbed the back of her head and stared blearily at Cloud. "Uhh..?" She mumbled, looking around her.

Back in Besaid, cookies were Happening. Yes, With the capital 'H'. Auron shoved more cookies into his mouth, as a hungry Rikku looked on. Wakka was bashing his head on his house's wall with no ill affect, and Lulu was observing, while their little son giggled. "Daddy gotta emp'y head!" He gurgled. The words were very true.

Tidus almost ran into some Tidus-Tape that had been left for him. It was about the Two-Thousand-and-Twenty-Fourth time he had almost ran into the sticky paper. "Gotta remeber that's there..." He muttered, then resumed being lost, almost running into the tape again. From a window, a scientist observed, trying to work out Tidus' stupidity-Rating. It was off the scale so far. In desperation, the scientist threw his papers on the floor and stamped all over them.

The Thief's patience snapped. She was too desparate to steal, and too hungry to sit by and wait. "MY COOKIES!" She screeched, snatching the box away from Auron, and shoving a few into her mouth, although (She later addmitted) her cheeks had been stretched by about a centimetre.

"I suggest you put the cookies down." Auron said calmly.

Hugging the cookies box, Rikku shook her head.

"Now."

Rikku sighed, spraying cookie everywhere. "Okay, okay..." She mumbled, then swallowed. "Mr Grumpy..." She Threw the box back, spilling some of the cookies in the process.

In the White Room, Tidus counted something on his fingers. "WOAH! This is TOO COOL!" He said happily. "Auron, Rikku, Wakka and Tidus all have the same letters! There's gotta be some secret meaning behind this!"

The scientist was bashing his head against a wall.

In the Church, Cloud stared up the portal. "Do you mind?" He shouted. "Some of us are trying to angst down here!".

The flowers were squashed from where Yuna had landed. She looiked at the folorn, crushed stems. "Why are there flowers?" She asked.

bron from the brain of a Demented Fangirl, Mika Guado walked along. "Chiquin? I ddon't think we're in Spira anymore..." She mumbled. Sniffing the air, Mika realised she could smell used life. "I smell Mako..." She strode through the door, then poked her head back around. "ADULTERER! YEVON SMITE YEEEEE!" She shouted, then laughed loudly, and carried on her way.

The Swordsman blinked slowly. "Okay...".

"I WAS ONLY BEING NICE TO TIDUS!" Yuna shouted at the door. More loud laughter could be heard. "And Lord Seymour likes Lemonade!" Mika shouted back.

The thick fog of Tidus' mind cleared on his new revelation. He walked towards the Door and saw it was Open.

In the botton of his mind, someone called, "The door...It is! OPEN!". He strode out, avoiding the Tidus-Tape on the way, and cheered, upon seeing Rikku, Auron, Wakka and Lulu. Kimahri was no where to be seen, but it was later confirmed, he was finding cookies to hoard.

Rikku saw Tidus and waved cheerily. She knew he was in the building, but was warned to to help him. "Hey Tidus!" She called. "He's eating my cookes. Can you get them back for me? Please?".

Wakka heard Rikku, and stopped bashing his head. "Rikku, you shouldn't be so selfish, ya?" Ya. Such a nice word. Lulu had forbidden him to say it after Vidina's first word had been 'Ya'. "Ya." Wakka said. "Ya, ya, ya, ya, ya!". Unfortunately, 'Ya' was the trigger word that sent Tidus to the Farplane, for some reason. "GAAAAH!" He slowly turned into pyreflies that drifed off.

Auron's eye widened. "Don't say that at me!" He said, reaching for Masamune.

"Haha, Tidus died. Can I have cookies now?" Rikku said, not really paying attention the fact to her good friend had just died.

Yuna seemed to be in an argument. "For the last time, I'm Yuna!" She said, sighing heavily.

"I'm sure you are, Aeris." Cloud said happily, squishing Yuna in a hug.

Mika walked through the door again and sniffed. "I can smell pyrefiles..." She looked at the ceiling. "Really? That's interesting..." The Guado walked up to Cloud and tapped him on the shoulder. "I suggest you move from your current spot."

Cloud snorted scornfully. "Why should I?"

"Beacause of-"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" A blonde boy landed on Cloud.

Mika grinned. "-That." She said arrogantly. "People should pay more attention to me, really."

Crushed under Tidus, Yuna was having difficulty breathing, but she managed to shove him off, and struggle away from Cloud. "What the? Tidus!"

Tidus sat up, rubbed his head and saw his love. "Yuna!" He cried.

They both stood up and ran towards eachother with arms out stretched. Some love song played on a jukebox someone had installed.

"This song sucks..." Mika found some Gil in her pocket, put it in the machine and chose the record. 'Dual Carriage to The Farplane' played, ruining the moment.

Cloud recognised the song, and began singing along. "Hey JENOVA! Don't kill me! Aeris has found the promised land! DundundundundunPOW! I'm on the Dual Carriage way to the Farplane! Dual Carriage way to the Farplane! I'm on Dual Carriage way to the Farplane! Dual Carriage way to the Farplane! Don't stab me! Oooohhhh YEAH! Dual Carriage way to the Farplane..! BUH-NEOW!"


End file.
